When people don’t feel “butterflies” on a first date, this isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I’d argue that feeling isn’t healthy.
With the first woman who friend zoned me, we had talked about her ex (her child’s other mom), and she was physically and emotionally abusive to her. However, she still took her back years later, then went on to marry her and they had a child together. She was still abusive (among many other issues), and she ultimately abused their daughter as well. Truly an awful experience that continues in many ways, since they are connected for life and a child is involved.
When people are used to toxic behaviors in relationships, that’s what feels comfortable for them. “Butterflies” are very often just anxiety, but dressed up in a bow. I know that’s not a hot take, but give that some thought. You have to actively work on that to change your own behavior and to make better choices for yourself in the future.
This requires self awareness, and an understanding of why you have repeatedly made poor choices that never end well. You have to reflect back on experiences and check yourself before you wreck yourself (and others).
For me, I am not looking for butterflies. I am looking for PEACE. I am looking for CALM. I am looking for someone who can COMMUNICATE. I am looking for someone who is healthy for my NERVOUS SYSTEM. Not someone who is going to play games and manipulate under the guise of “romance”.
Let’s be real. It’s not at all romantic to mess with someone’s head, to do a push/pull thing, breadcrumb, etc.
I guess what I’m trying to bring attention to is this…
GIVE PEACE A CHANCE!!!
I want to be the peace in someone’s life, and I want the same in return. This doesn’t mean I want or need things to be easy, it simply means that we are in it together and not working against each other. We are working towards a common goal of understanding each other, first and foremost.
Build a friendship first, then, with the right person, that will absolutely grow into feelings.
So if someone is checking all the boxes and shows integrity and consistency, give them a chance and get to know them better. It may feel “boring” or like a friendship. But not only will you have a healthy relationship, you will also have the best sex of your life because that connection is unmatched. And you will have someone that will date you until the end of time because that’s just who they are.
Who I am on the first date, is who I am years down the road. Who you see on social media, is who I am in person.
I’m not in this for short term validation or to scratch an itch. I am in this to be present and supportive for someone I deeply care about.
Intensity isn’t interest.
People that come on strong out of the gate are operating on feelings, rather than intention. Those people won’t last because it’s not sustainable for them. They will scoot when things get real.
What qualities do I need a partner to match?
Healthy communication skills
Self awareness
Love and respect for animals and other humans
Healthy and appropriate friendships
Responsibilities in life
Good job/career
Must have their own boundaries
Must take care of their own mental and physical health
I am SO excited to find a woman who matches the important qualities that I can and will absolutely provide. And at the end of the day, I want everyone to find the same in someone.
Please, Universe, send me some peace, passion, and partnership.
It really does feel like my time is coming, and I’ve waited a very long time for this. But make no mistake…while I’ve been waiting, I’ve worked on myself to become the best partner I possibly can be.
Cat Shit Crazy Dog Mom 