Seven years….

I wake up to the sound of birds on a Saturday morning. I stretch my entire body. You know that morning stretch that’s almost as good as a morning orgasm? Yeah that one.

The shades are still closed, but I can tell it’s a beautiful summer day in Maine. I love this state. So many memories, good and bad. But it’s my home. Homes aren’t always full of just good things. Homes are a symbol of the one place you feel total comfort, no matter what is going on in life. Home is where the animals are. My animals. They are my entire world.

For the majority of my adult life, I woke up feeling depressed. I loved life, but things just weren’t right. I was living and loving the wrong person. I was trapped. I had no where to go. Because of this, I think every single day is a gift. I feel like I’ve hit the lottery most days. I worked hard, built a life on my own despite being told I could never do it.

I check my phone and see a text from overnight. It’s from my best friend, Amber. She and I don’t live close, but we’ve been friends since the 8th grade. She’s been with me through thick and thin, and is always on the other end of the phone when I need her. Her text says that she is coming to Maine to see me today and I couldn’t be happier. I haven’t seen her in months. But ever since my new found freedom, in my new home, she and I have grown closer again. I couldn’t really have friends before. But now I am free to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want.

I get up and get my ass in gear, anxiously waiting for her to arrive late morning. I text her back, saying I can’t wait to see her. I needed someone to talk to in person. You see, I’m a loner but I still crave a connection with one or two people. I don’t want or need many friends, I just need one or two good ones. She was the one friend that I knew never had an agenda, our friendship was pure. Even when we were young teenagers, we never hurt each other, we never talked badly about each other behind each other’s back, we just enjoyed spending time together. Laughing together. Crying together. Just talking and listening. Since I wasn’t allowed to drink in my last relationship, I could also now enjoy adult beverages with my BFF. Sounds weird to most, but it’s a feeling that I never take for granted. Nowadays I rarely even drink, but just knowing that I can without being berated for having one single drink is a feeling I can’t really explain. So yeah, when she gets here, we’ll enjoy some wine, and perhaps have brunch with mimosas. Maybe we’ll get mani/pedi’s. Maybe we’ll just sit out back on the deck and have some laughs.

She pulls into my driveway and I yell for her to come on in. My dog Peach greets her. She’s already met her a few times so she trusts her. She gives Amber her Peachy hug and kisses her face a couple of times. This makes my heart smile.

We go outside because it’s beautiful out. We sit on the deck and get caught up. Texting and phone conversations and even FaceTime are ok for maintaining friendships, but physically being together and talking to someone is so much better. It’s natural. As much as I love technology and am constantly on my phone, I will always prefer the physical company of someone. You see, when you don’t have many people in your life, you truly appreciate the people you do.

We catch up hard. We’re both single, so you better believe we have stories to share. A lot of similar ones. She and I always say what we’re thinking and there is no holding back with our stories. Raw, unedited, unfiltered. We tell it like it is. Sex stories in detail, admissions of sketchy things we’ve done, poop, dating, health stuff, and maybe a little gossip. There is zero judgement. We laugh like kids. We laugh like we used to in class when we were supposed to be reading.

I love her. There is no one like her. We talk for a couple of hours before deciding to go out somewhere. It doesn’t take long for us to decide where to go. You see, the location doesn’t matter. We just want to eat and drink outside, and continue catching up. Life gets busy. We get busy. We both enjoy this day that we have together. The gentle breeze, the ocean air, sitting at a table under an umbrella, under the sun. Summer in Maine is amazing.

I’ll never get to experience everything I just wrote about. I made that all up in my head and have played it over and over.

Amber left this world on this day, 7 years ago. It still breaks me a little to think that she didn’t get to see me get my life back. In some ways she was the catalyst for me making my biggest life decision. We were only 32 years old when she died. She was the most unique and kind person I’ve ever known. I have no idea why or how we became friends, but we did immediately upon meeting each other. I remember seeing her for the first time in class. She was sitting at her desk, wearing white pants and looking a little lost. I think I knew right then that we would be friends. She quickly became one of the popular girls, but she was always my best friend. We hung out all the time. It wasn’t like those teen movies where one friend ditches the other for the popular crowd. She wasn’t like that. We were complete opposites. COMPLETE opposites. I still hear her voice, I still hear her laugh. I still remember the ridiculous memories we made as teenagers and what she meant to me back then, and what she means to me now. That has never changed.

Amber, I miss you now and forever. The world misses you.