To My Future Partner:

I’m genuinely happy. I love the life that I’ve built with intention. And yes, I’m single.

I’ve been single for most of the last 12 years, with 3 short relationships (all under 2 years). Prior to that, I was in a relationhip for 16 years.

I learn from my past, and have come lightyears and moved mountains to better myself and better my life. Like a lot of people, I had a traumatic childhood. However, I learned so much from it and it’s truly how I gauge my life in every stage. By that, I mean that I don’t take things for granted. I practice gratitude regularly, and most of all, I appreciate the good people in my life. I treat my partners with love and respect, because I know that love is a choice, not just a feeling. If someone is choosing to love me every day, that means more than I could ever put into words. And I choose my partner every day, in every way.

With everything I’ve been through, I learned all of the things I NEVER wanted to be. I go to the opposite end of the spectrum from the shitty things I lived through and witnessed. After each traumatic event, I reflect back and take the lessons that I need. I also engage my wonderful therapist when I need help or am questioning things.

From a relationship perspective, I am completely monogamous, which is becoming less and less common these days. Not saying that’s a bad thing, just saying that it really lessens the pool of available people. I have been cheated on, and that experience nearly broke me mentally and emotionally. But I chose myself and chose to get help and again, learned what I needed to learn. I still choose to trust people, and I also trust my intuition more than ever.

I am a late in life lesbian, but have been one my entire life. I came out at 41 and now am 45.

Again, the pool is shrinking.

I have done the work on myself and continue to do the work, because I want to be better to myself and I want to be the best partner I can be to another woman.

I love myself and know my worth, which I’m sure most will agree is not something that comes easy or naturally. It took work to get here, and therefore I want a partner that knows THEIR worth as well. In other words, I want someone who is self aware and can communicate in healthy ways, because that is all part of “the work”. Breaking familiar patterns can be really hard, but life and relationships are SO much better when you’ve done it. If you don’t break unhealthy patterns, you’re setting yourself and your partner up for failure. 

This all being said, I am intentionally seeking a partner for the long haul, not a U-Haul. I am a realistic romantic. By this, I mean that I am old school at heart. I want us to take eachother out on dates (ie quality time together) and believe that phase should never end. But I also don’t romanticize things that are actually toxic, like bread crumbing and mistaking emotional unavailabilty for some kind of push and pull romance.

And again, I know that love is a choice that we have to make every day, it’s not just a feeling.  

My last relationship was the shortest one I’ve had, which ended after 6 months. But in that 6 months, and after such a traumatic relationship prior to that, I learned a few things…

That I can love another woman again. 

That I can still trust. 

That I can fall in love in a slow burning, healthy manner. 

Even though it didn’t work out, I have no regrets and can still think back on moments and smile (and maybe still cry at times, but hey, I’m human).

Because of this, I am more motivated than ever to find my person. But make no mistake, I am not desperate. I love my life. I am only intentional. I curated a life with my own bare hands and open heart, and have never been happier.

Someone I was chatting with last week said some things to me that really hit home. She said, “I just see you as someone who is ready to call her partner home…someone who is all in, completely engaged and committed to you, your beloved animals and the beautiful home and space you’ve created.”

That really summarized me completely, and I was a bit shocked that she hit the nail so perfectly on its head.

So I will leave it at that.

To my future partner: I am coming for you, and if we’re right for eachother, you will meet me halfway.